How Did I Get Here?

Hello there!

I've had several iterations of this blog over the last year, and nothing has ever come to fruition or 'stuck,' so to speak. I've decided to delete my previous postings and write more about my personal journey of discovery and self-development as I navigate the cold world of life after medical school.

 

"Where am I now?" 

I finished residency and am now pursuing a fellowship. Don't ask me about the agonizing months spent deciding on whether or not I should even pursue a fellowship. I can't believe I literally spent months thinking about pursuing fellowship, deciding to do so and doing all the work to go through THE MATCH, get my number one choice program, and then spend another several months (and then some) thinking about whether or not fellowship was truly for me - AND if I should even consider an alternative career other than medicine. 

 

"What led you here?!?!" 

Ever hear the saying "Want to hear God laugh? Make plans." 

Since I could remember, I've always wanted to be in healthcare. Whether it was being a veterinarian (as with all kids!), I wanted to be in the industry of healing. I feel that I've always been on the path to being in medicine, so much so that I was even accepted into a guaranteed admission to medical school program (a program that permits automatic matriculation to an affiliated medical school as long as one completes the undergraduate requirements, graduates with an undergraduate degree, and regardless of MCAT scores). I did the 4 years of undergraduate education, 4 years of medical school, and 4 years of residency. Through it all, I don't think I've ever stopped and taken a step back to clearly assess my overall path. I was going through the automatic phases of college, then med school, then residency. That was the path that everyone around me took - and not once did I stop to breathe and reassess my vision for my own life. And now that I'm 6 months into my fellowship...I'm finally taking that step back and now I'm beginning to wonder: Was it all worth it?

 

"Where will you go now?"

Now that I've realized that maybe medicine is not for me after all, and being SCARED out of my mind to even try to discover what else I could do, I've finally reframed my thoughts into thinking of medicine as a means to something else.  I'm still in my fellowship; I'm still practicing medicine. While I haven't quite figured out if medicine is worth the sacrifice in time and money, I know that I won't stay in medicine forever. I have yet to figure out that "something else," but that's what part of this blog is about. It's a personal journey of self-discovery and all the thing's I have, and will, discover about designing a life in which I can find fulfillment - and hopefully I'll inspire someone along the way.

xoxo,

C.M.